The committed utilitarian

The mall is too much full of people right here, this time of year. This is mollified, at least a little, by it also being full(ish) of kittens on tables and in cages. On Saturday I was abandoned, and directed myself vaguely that way to - probably fruitlessly - search for Christmas presents. The crowds are too threatening. They disturb my already dangerously fragile and volatile shopping equilibrium. They tip my scales, and snip my trip length with their trumpeting lines of feet.

It doesn't matter that much anyway. I can't ever really buy anything on one outing, I need a scouting mission before I can commit to much or too much. That's true all over myself, in many little of my corners. I need to browse over every possibility, to weigh up everything, to twist around all the ways a decision falls out. I'm an accidentally committed utilitarian, but I don't know if the pain during the decisioning is worth the extra pleasure the good choice brings.

Maybe I can agonize over that next.